By Popular (by which I mean MY) Demand!

Trevor Irving Price (known to his close friends as Tip) enters the local Krispy Kreme. He spots his friend, Edward Close, enjoying a cup of coffee at the corner table.
Tip:…Why are we meeting at the Krispy Kreme? I feel like I’m gaining pounds from inhaling. And aren’t you on a diet?
Eddie: Well, you’re always on with those food metaphors, so I figured I’d try my hand at it.
Tip: Oh, lady problems?
Eddie: Ay-uh.
Tip: Ladies…shaped like doughnuts?
Eddie: Uh-no.
Tip: You’re gonna hafta gimme some help here, man, I’m not getting it unless it’s about some chubby chick.
Eddie: Oh no, she’s pretty good lookin. And I didn’t think she was that smart, but she’s not an idiot, and well…
Tip: Well…?
Eddie: Okay, here me out on this.
Tip: Roger dodger.
Eddie: You know I’ve been on a diet lately, right?
Tip: Yeah, I’ve noticed you don’t drink as much, or eat as much when we’re at the Pub…
Eddie: Well, I’ve been trying to slim down a bit. And obviously, this is NOT a place to go to if you want to get not slim. Capisce?
Tip: Yeah su– wait did you just say capisce?
Eddie: Ay-uh.
Tip: Been watching the Sopranos or something?
Eddie: TiVo, my friend.
Tip: Well played.
Eddie: Anyway, back to the doughnuts.
Tip: Mmmmmm…doughnuts…you mind if I get one? I know you’re on a diet…
Eddie: Go ahead, it’ll actually help me prove my point. Oh, and can you refill my Joe?
Tip: Sure thing.
*Tip exits, and returns with two fresh cups of coffee and three, yes three, Krispy Kreme originals: glazed*
Eddie: Ah, doughnuts. So sweet, so sinfully seductive to a sustinence slacker.
Tip: Cute. Now tell me what the hell these doughtnuts mean.
Eddie: Well, think about it. You really want a doughnut. They’re tasty, they’re readily available, you could just eat em all you want.
Tip: Go on…
Eddie: Well, should you always eat them? I mean, what if you’re on a strict diet?
Tip: I think I’m getting your drift. So you wanna devour a particular doughnut, eh?
Eddie. Ay-uh.
Tip: But your diet won’t let you?
Eddie: Ay-uh.
Tip: But you’re wondering if it’d be okay to break that diet?
Eddie: Pretty much. But, you know, after I do it I’ll feel guilty. And you know I’m never gonna see that doughnut again, and it was really only a partial sense of gratification I’m gonna regret later.
Tip: I see what you’re saying.
Eddie: So, I figure if I can sit in here and watch you skinny ass pound down some doughnuts.
Tip: Okay, given the present metaphorical circumstances, ew.
Eddie: Sorry. But anyway, I figure if I can resist these doughnuts, I can resist the other…doughnuts.
Tip: I see what you mean. Good on ya, mate. But…
Eddie: What?
Tip: Does this mean I get to eat all your doughnuts?
Eddie: I cannot believe you said that.
Tip: And what are we talking here? Only glazed? Because sometimes, you know, I dig a little cake action, or a little frosting now and then, or maybe one of the French Twirl variety…
Eddie: la la la! I’m not listening!

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