Her wedding dress caught a loose nail on the porch. Doesn’t matter, it’s not like she needed it. Hot tears stung in her eyes as she found her way into the living room, where a small envelope sat on the coffee table. In neat handwriting, it simply said “Regina.” Shredding the envelope, she had no idea what to expect.
First, I am not sorry for a single thing that will happen today. It is merely what had to happen.
Around the time we first started spending time together, we discovered a snag between your persistant optimism and my grouchy pessimism. Our conversations often went long and hard into the night, covering all sorts of humanity’s little hopes and foibles. It soon became an impasse, with both of us refusing to yield to the other. I maintained the humans are fairly evil little creatures, but you had such stringent hope. I decided one night, before going to bed, that I was going to try one last chance to get you to see things my way. It wouldn’t be easy, and it would take a long, long time, but I figured I could convince you.
You see, I had to break you of that insufferable optimism, destroy your confidence in humanity. I decided the best way to do that would be to have you fall in love with me, and then leave you standing at the altar. Over the past two years I have carefully cultivated a perfect man for you, agreeable, optimistic, everything you wanted to hear and see. I lost twenty pounds, changed my wardrobe, everything. To you, it must have seemed that you were the light of my life. Without this letter, you probably would have continued thinking so. However, I have to tell you that nothing I said, did, or thought for the past two years regarding you was true. You see, you put yourself forward as such an easy template: the upwardly mobile political liberal slightly rebellious girl, that all I had to do was watch a few news shows, listen to a few independent bands, and I had everything working perfectly. In essence, I became your perfect man, and I bolstered your strength in humanity, only to take it to its most vulnerable point and break it.
You’re alone now, and you know now that I have never really loved you as more than a good friend. Hopefully, this has destroyed your faith in humanity to the point where you will be as pessimistic as I, so you can finally understand my side of the argument. Under the bed you will find complete transcripts of every online conversation we had for the past few years, along with letters, emails, and the like. The Weyerhaeuser box basically has the entire study labeled out in detail, if you’d like to look it over. Perhaps it will help you form new opinions.
As for financials, I will keep making payments on his house, paying the bills, etc. It is not my intent to touch the material aspects of your life, only the abstract. Aside from this experiment, your life will be entirely the same, unless you make it different. Please feel free to contact me at the following address and relate to me the results, I look forward to hearing them. Perhaps we could meet for a drink next week? I’m free Friday.
I hope you don’t think badly of me Regina. Oh wait, actually, I hope you do, because then it would mean that the exercise was a complete success. Please know that I harbor no anger towards you, and in fact I look forward to talking to you soon.
These are things I think, but I do not do. Because of that, I think myself a good and decent human being. Orson Welles once said something about how good actors need to embrace the parts of them that are evil and murderous…consider this research.